If you don’t have a court order setting out where your children should live or spend time during school holidays and special occasions then it is easy for disagreements to crop up.
As a divorced parent of two children aged 9 and 7, here are my top tips for successfully navigating Christmas as a co-parent.
1. Put your children first – always
Share the Christmas holidays based on what is best for your children, not what is considered fair from the adults’ perspective. I find that handovers on Christmas Day itself can be disruptive for everyone and includes an element of “clock-watching” when Christmas should be a relaxing time for the whole family. If your children are old enough to tell you how they would like to spend their day, listen to them and try to accommodate their wishes to the best of your ability.
2. Plan
With your children’s wishes in mind, start conversations early with your co-parent. Leaving it close to the season to start discussions about Christmas or New Year is often too late to have any meaningful negotiations. Think about where your children spent Christmas last year and consider whether an alternate Christmas Day/Boxing Day arrangement works for your family. Every family is different so there is no one size fits all.
Remember to talk about Christmas gifts and share Christmas lists that your children may have prepared. There’s no point buying the same present for different households.
3. Communicate
Co-parenting successfully is all about good communication in every aspect. If you are not spending time with your children on Christmas Day, agree to arrange a video call which keeps connection alive and reassures your children that you are thinking about them. Keep the call positive which gives your children permission to have fun with their other parent and not worry about you spending Christmas without them. I always tell my kids to have fun no matter what they are doing.
4. Try to follow Christmas traditions for both families but not at the expense of falling out
You may need to get creative with Christmas traditions. For example, it may help if your children spend some time with both their parents independently on Christmas Eve so any traditions can be upheld. We will still be leaving Father Christmas a drink and mince pie and Rudolph a carrot on Christmas Eve before my children leave to spend the night and Christmas Day with their Dad. You can always involve children in making new traditions. If you don’t spend Christmas Day with your children, you can always celebrate on another day and make it just as special.
5. Be flexible
Sometimes the best laid plans don’t go as intended. If your children are late for handovers, let any frustrations go. Christmas can be a busy time with family and friends visiting and presents being opened. If you’re running late, it’s respectful to let your co-parent know.
Although Christmas is not the easiest time of year for separated parents to navigate, particularly if it is their first Christmas as a separated family, children are robust and adapt to changes quickly if they have parents who are able to put them first, remain positive and communicate with each other. From a child’s perspective, two Christmases are far better than one so I am told!
If you are struggling to reach an agreement this year or things don’t go as planned then please get in touch. It may be wise to think about whether a court order would help going forward in the new year.
We are able to assist parents to resolve these types of disputes through various ways.
If you don’t have a court order setting out where your children should live or spend time during school holidays and special occasions then it is easy for disagreements to crop up.
As a divorced parent of two children aged 9 and 7, here are my top tips for successfully navigating Christmas as a co-parent.
1. Put your children first – always
Share the Christmas holidays based on what is best for your children, not what is considered fair from the adults’ perspective. I find that handovers on Christmas Day itself can be disruptive for everyone and includes an element of “clock-watching” when Christmas should be a relaxing time for the whole family. If your children are old enough to tell you how they would like to spend their day, listen to them and try to accommodate their wishes to the best of your ability.
2. Plan
With your children’s wishes in mind, start conversations early with your co-parent. Leaving it close to the season to start discussions about Christmas or New Year is often too late to have any meaningful negotiations. Think about where your children spent Christmas last year and consider whether an alternate Christmas Day/Boxing Day arrangement works for your family. Every family is different so there is no one size fits all.
Remember to talk about Christmas gifts and share Christmas lists that your children may have prepared. There’s no point buying the same present for different households.
3. Communicate
Co-parenting successfully is all about good communication in every aspect. If you are not spending time with your children on Christmas Day, agree to arrange a video call which keeps connection alive and reassures your children that you are thinking about them. Keep the call positive which gives your children permission to have fun with their other parent and not worry about you spending Christmas without them. I always tell my kids to have fun no matter what they are doing.
4. Try to follow Christmas traditions for both families but not at the expense of falling out
You may need to get creative with Christmas traditions. For example, it may help if your children spend some time with both their parents independently on Christmas Eve so any traditions can be upheld. We will still be leaving Father Christmas a drink and mince pie and Rudolph a carrot on Christmas Eve before my children leave to spend the night and Christmas Day with their Dad. You can always involve children in making new traditions. If you don’t spend Christmas Day with your children, you can always celebrate on another day and make it just as special.
5. Be flexible
Sometimes the best laid plans don’t go as intended. If your children are late for handovers, let any frustrations go. Christmas can be a busy time with family and friends visiting and presents being opened. If you’re running late, it’s respectful to let your co-parent know.
Although Christmas is not the easiest time of year for separated parents to navigate, particularly if it is their first Christmas as a separated family, children are robust and adapt to changes quickly if they have parents who are able to put them first, remain positive and communicate with each other. From a child’s perspective, two Christmases are far better than one so I am told!
If you are struggling to reach an agreement this year or things don’t go as planned then please get in touch. It may be wise to think about whether a court order would help going forward in the new year.
We are able to assist parents to resolve these types of disputes through various ways.